I Know You, Online

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As we go through our daily lives we encounter many individuals.  Some individuals we know very well, some we slightly know, and others we don't know at all.

Within the category of individuals we slightly know is a subgroup of people that we are connected with through social media platforms.  Out of the individuals in this subgroup I would say that for at least 80% of them, more than half of your knowledge about them and interactions with them come from, and occur online via social media.  


There are people that you know about, and interact with that you rarely see in person, or perhaps have never even met.  Kind of mind-blowing, right?

This creates a social problem of sorts.

What do you do when you see these individuals in the physical world?


The best way to answer this question is to play out a scenario.  All scenarios will be different, but I find it useful to tell a story like this:

     Paul attends a North Eastern university with about 5,000 undergraduate students.  He is very attuned to the technology trends of today.  He's all over social media; he blows up news feeds like there is no tomorrow.  On a Thursday last month Paul went out to The Social Suite, a local college bar.  He spent most of the night catching up with some of his closer friends.  Later in the evening he saw his lab partner, Bill, at a table at the other side of the bar; he went over and greeted him.  At the table were five of Bill's close friends, deeply involved in a drinking game.  As Paul arrived, Bill introduced him by saying, "Hey everyone, this is Paul."  He was welcomed with smiles and a "hey" or two.  Paul stayed around for 15 or 20 minutes talking to Bill and watching the group compete against each other for what I like to call Drinking Game Fame or DGF for short.  The night continued and Paul went on his way home.
     The next day Paul decided to look Bill up on Facebook.  He friended him when they first became lab partners, but didn't really take a look at his profile.  After five to ten minutes on Bill's profile, Paul recognized a girl, Leslie, that had commented on Bill's timeline; she had been at the table at the bar last night.  Paul saw that she had jokingly posted about what artist she thought would play at the university's spring concert.  It was a singer that Paul very much disliked.  He immediately friended her, and she accepted.  Over the course of the next few days Paul had "liked" a few of her statuses, and posted a YouTube video on her timeline.  She did much of the same.  Throughout the next month Paul and Leslie saw each other's statuses and posts in their news feeds and began to learn things about each other without much effort.
     Recently Paul went to a large party at a friend's place.  There were many different people there.  One of the attendees happened to be Leslie.  At one point, Leslie and Paul made eye contact across the room.  Bam!

What to do?  What to do?

They technically had never met other than the night at the bar, but had some correspondence through social media.  Paul knew that he could easily divert his eyes the other way, and pretend to have never seen her.  Would it be weird if he went up to her and used the online interaction as a means to officially meet her?  Would she want to even talk, or was the social media interaction all that she wanted to result from their connection?

I have been in similar situations, and I have come to the conclusion that the best thing to do is acknowledge the other person and use the social media connection as a starting point for real interaction.  Bring up the topic of social media, or even mention something you saw related to the other person's social media presence.  Just because you've only interacted online doesn't mean you can't in real life.

Doing this will immediately break any social tension.  If you find someone interesting, but for the most part only know them through the internet, leverage the social media connection to form a foundation on which a relationship has the opportunity to form.

If you're interesting online, I'll take the initiative to find out if you're interesting in real life if the opportunity presents itself.

Come out from behind the screen and be social the old fashioned way.

Plant Some Seeds, Grow Your Network

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A strong social network brings much happiness with it.  If you have friends that you can have fun with, individuals you enjoy supporting, and people that can help you in the right direction, you'll have a wonderful time making your way through this crazy party we call life.

To cultivate this network I suggest visualizing it in a certain way.  Your social network is similar to a garden.

One of the keys in gardening is to plant many seeds so that you maximize your chance of having plants grow in the future.  The same is true with creating and expanding your network.  You must make many initial contacts with individuals to see any relationships develop as time goes on.  The more people you meet, the more likely something will result in the future.

So what exactly is "planting a seed" in the context of your social network?

Truly connect with individuals upon first meeting them.  Make a strong impression, and make sure they have the opportunity to make an impression on you as well.  You'll know if the seed was successfully planted if the following interactions with the person in question are more involved and comfortable.

On a fairly consistent basis I hear one of my friends tell me, "Steve, I planted some seeds today."  I love his mindset.

So, in order to build a solid network for yourself you need to get out there, and in all of your interactions, plant some seeds!

Eventually you'll see a flower bloom.

Boom!

Be A Game Changer

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Do you want to be a superhero?

Taking into account the nature of reality, that's not a feasible option.  Something that is a close alternative though is being a game changer.

What exactly is a game changer?

A game changer is a person that enters a given situation and has the potential to turn everything on its head.  The game changer effortlessly takes a power position.  The entire environment takes on a new look and feel when this person is present.  They are on the mind of everyone that encounters them.  Their abilities are assumed to be great and respected like no other.

Trust me, this is something you want to be.

There are a few rules to follow in order to become a GC:

Exude confidence
You need to believe that you are a game changer.  Your positive mindset, and drive should be evident in the way that you carry yourself.  People should look at you and think to themselves, "This person means business."

Know your stuff
You can be as confident as you want, but if there is nothing to back it up then you are out of luck.  Work to understand the situations that you will, or may potentially be in.  Equip yourself with the knowledge necessary to be a step ahead of everyone else.  Cultivate the skills that will allow you to take control of the situation.  You need to have the means to make the moves.

Be different and bold
You need to stand out from the crowd.  Go against the grain and be unique.  Figure out what you can do differently and follow through with it boldly.  You can't blend in; your presence needs to be felt.

Take action
When the time is right you must take action.  You have the tools to create the outcome you want, so when those critical moments arise you have to perform.


Regardless of what type of work you do, or activities you participate in, you should strive to be a game changer.

It not only gives you the upper hand, it gives you a second deck of cards to play with.

Do it.

The Flow

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You've heard people say it.  Sometimes it's the best advice.

Go with the flow.

I am the type of person that likes to have things done a certain way.  I consider myself to be decisive, and I take initiative to execute plans that I have set forth.  I find myself following schedules, and making certain aspects of my life routinized to ensure productivity.  

Sometimes this approach becomes restrictive though, denying freedom of experience.

For this reason, I have recently begun embracing the aforementioned phrase with new vigor.

Going with the flow means taking both hands off the steering wheel. By minimizing your control over direction, "the flow" takes over.  The flow is a combination of the efforts of those around you, the impact of situational variables, and your own desire to explore the unknown.  It is the driving force behind great experiences.

Going with the flow allows you gain new perspectives.  It exposes you to new things.  It encourages you to adapt to, and understand the unfamiliar or step outside of your comfort zone. You become enlightened and grow as an individual.  

I am definitely an advocate of productivity and working toward something that you love.  Sometimes we become rigid in our pursuits though.  We focus on what we become accustomed to without much thought of our alternatives, but the world is full of possibilities!  There is so much to experience, and without allowing for those opportunities to occur we miss out on some wondrous things.  Perhaps there is something out there that will spark a burning passion within each of us; going with the flow provides the chance to discover it.

You can immerse yourself in the flow by:

• Opting not to create detailed plans
• Letting others take the lead 
• Choosing to do what the moment calls for even if it's something you normally wouldn't do 

I'm not saying that we should blow freely wherever the wind takes us.  I think that there should be a balance; we need to have solid direction yet be open to the world around us.

Foster the flow, and go with it!

Success From Failure: 3 Key Points

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The new year is here.  Blow 2011 a kiss goodbye, and slip 2012 your phone number.  Start working your game.  There is a lot to accomplish.

I have already begun taking this year by storm; I wrote "1/1/12" on a check yesterday without any mistake.  If I can continue the streak of not writing the wrong year I think that's a sure sign of good things to come.

As I crossed the threshold into the new year I decided I want to have more successes.  Being a member of Club 4.0 isn't satisfying enough!  I thought about how to make this happen, and decided that truly embracing the risk of failure is the only way.  Here are three points to remember in the quest for success.

You'll only achieve what you reach for
Far too often we tend to forgo certain demanding tasks because we know that there is a great probability for failure.  Without exerting the extra effort toward your desired goal, you will never achieve it.  If you have your eyes set on something great, the risk of failure will probably be great too.  Face it.

Failures are lessons that give you an edge
Every time you fail, you learn something.  You learn what worked, and you learn what didn't work.  You begin to understand the best way to approach the problem, and start to map your path to success.  Don't be afraid to place yourself in situations where you have the potential to fail.  You either succeed, or fail and gain more knowledge and experience to eventually succeed.  It's a win-win situation.  Believe it.

Failures are motivating events
The times when I have performed my best have been when I had something to prove.  I love the feeling of being the underdog.  When you experience failure, you become eager to regroup and approach the situation again with new strength.  I like to win and succeed, so losing or failing makes me hungrier for what I was close to achieving.  Risk the chance of failure, knowing that you'll just be given more motivation if you don't succeed.  Do it.

Have no fear of failure and Success will be your middle name.

Best wishes as the new year begins!

Well, What Now? - New Year's Eve!

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Today may be the day after Christmas, but the hype hasn't diminished; it has just gained a new source.

The source of course is the new year.  2012!

The month leading up to Christmas, and even the month before, are filled with anticipation like no other.  The number of decorations increase exponentially as the day approaches, and holiday advertisements flood every medium in existence.  I'd like to think that people also find themselves in better moods.  Some people experience great joy because they have the opportunity to give to others, and many are enticed by the fact that they may receive something special.  The thought of being together with family and friends makes the coming holiday more interesting as well.  I use the word "interesting" because everyone knows that a large gathering of friends and family, some admired more than others, has the potential to turn into a scene. There is also, as always, the opportunity for the proverbial Christmas Miracle.

It eventually arrives.  In short, Christmas morning comes, everyone has fun, the rest of the day is filled with cheer, and at night, exhausted, and satisfied, everyone goes off to bed.

If this were any other holiday, the next day would consist of an individual waking up and slightly worrying.  All this excitement the day before, and now what?  "How long until the next holiday!?"

This morning I woke up, and danced my way to the kitchen to pour some Kashi Go Lean Crunch.  It was difficult to finish off my morning fuel because I couldn't help but smile.

I knew that in less than one week it would be New Years Eve!

It is the culmination of the previous 365 days of your life, and the start of the next 365.  If you had an amazing year like no other, this is the opportunity to cap it off perfectly and begin another with a bang.  If you had the most terrible, awful experience that you would never wish upon another human being, this is your opportunity to forget it all and have an awesome time ringing in another year of possibilities.

The week in between the two holidays is likened to paradise.  You can soak in the warm feelings of the first, and plan for the second, which has the potential to be the greatest night of your year.

I'll take this week to reflect on the past year, and prepare myself for the next one.

My plans for this New Year's Eve are still up in the air, and that makes the night that much more exciting.  I know that wherever I end up though, I'll be bringing my A-game.

Simultaneously end and begin on the right note.  - New Year, 2012

P.S. Party.

Don't Know What's Next? Structure Time!

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Do you have structure?


Structure in your life allows you to function comfortably within a framework.  It guides you day to day, and gives you piece of mind when peering into the future.  Structure brings clarity; you know where you stand and have a starting point for examining all of your options.  

Sometimes though, we lose some of that structure and feel lost.  This can happen for a variety of reasons, mainly stemming from change.  As a soon to be college graduate I am facing a situation in which nearly all of the structure I have known is rapidly dissolving.  Up until this point in my life the educational system has provided my "to do list," and "map."  I have decided to forgo the route of graduate school, and so with the toss of a cap I will be tossed into a sea of change.  Gone are the days in which I have guide posts and out of bounds markers laid out for me.  The structure I have known will be gone, and I will have to respond somehow.

If you find yourself in a similar position, in which you face change, and uncertainty, rest assured because I have some helpful solutions that I've been using.  

So how will the structure once again be established?  You could wait and it probably would naturally occur, but a more active approach gives you control immediately.

The solution is to take action and build a 20 mile high skyscraper!  That is a metaphor, of course.

Focus on yourself

Taking time to understand yourself is imperative.  Stare at yourself in the mirror for five or ten minutes without any distraction.  I do this sometimes just because I like what I see.  Seriously though, think about who you are.  Who have you been up to this point in your life?  Who do you want to be from this point on?  

Do

This is pretty simple.  The worst thing that you can possibly do when facing a loss of structure is sitting around thinking, and worrying about it.  Stay occupied with whatever interests you.  Personally, I like to workout and run.  This can be a hobby, sport, activity, or just hanging out with friends; it is something that makes you happy.   

Commit to something

Start consistently doing something productive.  This could be working a job.  It could be searching for a job.  It could be an entrepreneurial venture.  It could be learning something new, or contributing to a cause.  This commitment should be something that will allow you to set goals, and work toward something more.  There should always be a reason behind your commitment.  

Structure through anti-structure

Stay flexible.  Create just enough structure to be confident in your direction; too much may be constrictive, not allowing for any growth.  When opportunities arise you need to be ready to pursue them.  Even when you find yourself content, change can occur in an instant, so being mentally prepared is vital.  


Well, I'm ready to conquer the world.  


Are you?